12.20.01
reflections
this is my last day at work this year. there is nothing i want to do. there isn't even anybody in my department today. no boss, no co-workers, just me. even if i tried to do any work, i dont' think i'll accomplish anything.
but at least i have a job. and i'll have one when i come back after the new year. i can be thankful for that.
this has been one hell of a year. such a drastic change from 2000.
my emotional state has been fantastic. i learned that i am capable of loving and being loved. i learned the value of life and recognizing beauty in everything. i learned not to take my job too seriously because, well, it's just a job.
i've traveled more this year than i ever have before. i've been to lake tahoe, vermont, london, cleveland, washington dc, key west (twice), mexico, san francisco, niagara falls canada, and i'm going to boston after christmas.
i've gotten less afraid of being alone. now i actually enjoy it. i love the fact that i can pick up and go somewhere without a plan or permission. or i can just stay home and not do a thing. i can do what ever i want. it's been a while since i could really say that.
i have a great family. i've grown into a relationship with my parents. when i was younger i resented them for always placing such restrictions on me. my mother used to go through my things and i remember screaming matches with her. but now i like their company. maybe it's because i don't live there anymore.
i have to confess though, that this deeper appreciation of life and being involved in it - as opposed to watching it pass by - is a result of that horrible september day. i was lucky enough to not have lost anyone i know. there are thousands who weren't as lucky. but in light of such a tragedy, it put everything into perspective for me.
i am still brought to tears about it, though. all it takes is a song, a picture, a heart-wrenching story, and i'm thrown back into the numbing shock. i've been to new york about a week and a half after the attacks. i have pictures that are surreal. they are my personal record of how the world changed. i save them for my family's future generations - so they too, can learn the value of life. i don't need them to remember. i will never forget.
10:55 a.m.
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Reading
"Notes From A Small Island"
by Bill Bryson
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