2001-01-23
white noise
white noise. that's what's in my head. a jumble of crap, thoughts, songs, conversations. all of that combined becomes that deafning, yet soothing hum of white noise.
i'm not sure how to put into words. not sure if i want to.
i wonder what people see when they look at me? do i look different? more vibrant? do i glow? what color? i want to dance on the train platform. i want to sing out loud. i feel great and i want everyone to know it. i walk down broadway from the subway stop to my building. i feel like i'm in the opening credits of 'felicity' - walking in NYU with a song playing in the background.
then i get into work and everything stops. park myself in front of this computer. look busy for 8 hours. the only energy coming from secret digital conversations. hmmmm.
good quote that i came up with yesterday: 'stupid is a state of mind, not a location'. i know that it's out of context, but i liked it.
open demand to anyone who's listening:
i want to play in the snow! i want to go sledding. i want to have snowball fights and have slush find it's way into my socks. i want to make snow angels - and snow devils. i want to make anatomically correct snowmen. i want to see my own laughter in my cold breath. i want my fingers and toes to freeze from being outside for so long.
then i want to go inside. i want to wrap myself up in a warm, fleece blanket while wearing socks that are too big. i want to hold a huge mug of hot chocolate in my hands and blow on it to cool it off. i want to lay on the couch in front of a fireplace and feel warm and fuzzy and drift off in a nap filled with silly memories.
i was hoping i was hoping we could challenge each other
i was hoping i was hoping we could crack each other up
i too thought that when proved wrong i lost somehow
i too once thought life was cruel
'i was hoping' - alanis morissette
i should kick myself for not having my camera with me at all times. i lost two shots.
as i was walking back from barnes & noble, there a pair of doc martens just sitting on the sidewalk next to a payphone. they were placed together as if there were feet still in them. but the oddity of them standing there, in the snow, next to a payphone, was bizarre. i wonder where the owner's feet are.
the second was further down the block. there were four huge planters that lined the sidewalk. the were white and square and were placed askew. on each of the planters was one letter written on the side: l - o - v - e.
15:53:56
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Reading
"Notes From A Small Island"
by Bill Bryson
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